Wandering is one of the most dangerous side effects of Alzheimer’s disease. When someone with Alzheimer’s wanders, it often starts simply enough: they’re usually just trying to find a place that’s familiar to them. Wandering Alzheimer’s patients may start back toward a place they used to work, their church, or another place they know well.

But the dangers of wandering are not to be taken lightly! Unfortunately, someone with Alzheimer’s may not recognize what you and I would see as “danger zones”. They may wander into the road, or get trapped in some brambles or in a ditch and not know how to get out.

Thankfully, wandering can be prevented. Check out some resources for how you can prevent your loved one from a dangerous situation by going to http://www.alzheimershope.com/symptoms_strategies/wandering.php.

However, if you do experience your loved one wandering, here’s a helpful story from caregiving expert Jo Huey about what to do – and how not to react – if it happens to you:

Stephanie, a family caregiver I had been working closely with, called me frantically one evening. She relayed the conversation she had earlier with her dad. “He promised me he would wait right here while I parked the car! It was only a few minutes, and now we can’t find him anywhere! Please, Jo, come right away and help us find him!” She had been looking for him for 15 minutes and she had no idea where he could have disappeared to in such a short time. Luckily, I was nearby and by the time I got there, security was walking up with her dad in tow.

Just as I reached them, she hugged her dad with relief – and then began her by-then-hysterical tirade. “Dad, how could you have left when you promised to stay put until I parked the car! We have been looking all over for you. I called Jo, and even the police to come and help! Dad, you promised not to go anywhere! You have got to stop doing these things! I just can’t keep running after you every minute. This is just driving me totally out of my mind!”

His response to these accusations was, “Well young lady, you had better stop yelling at me or you’ll get one of these!” as he raised his fist. “What are you talking about anyway? I wasn’t lost. Obviously, I waited for you. After all, I’m right here!”

Jo’s Absolute #4 says, Never Lecture, Instead Reassure. Of course, the normal reaction to worry, as in this situation, consistently results in caregivers emotionally exploding at their loved one with Alzheimer’s – and not without good reason.

However, as much as we would like them to, our loved ones with Alzheimer’s do not have selective memory; they simply don’t remember that they said they’d stay put. Therefore they cannot keep promises, even if they agree to what you asked.

The most important point for you to remember is that even if you are worried or frantic, you must learn to not get in your loved one’s face. If your loved one is wandering, they are probably already agitated, and a frantic confrontation will only make them moreso. First of all, a strong reaction from you can lead them to strike – remember they are reacting based on their emotions, not the complicated and socially constructed etiquette that would tell them it would be wrong to strike you. Secondly, what they really need is reassurance if there is a serious concern or sense of discord.

Caregivers must learn to let go of the broken promise or fear for our loved ones’ safety, and to focus on being glad they are safe. Keep accusations and frustrations out of your response in these types of situations. Just like anything else, this is going to take practice!

It is imperative that one learn early on not to lecture, as it may create an unmanageable response. This way, we can prevent the aggressive and combative stage of the disease process. Remember that when Alzheimer’s strikes, it strikes not only the memory, but also the frontal lobe of the brain, where we store our “manners.” You must act in a way that dissipates fright, embarrassment, and other negative feelings, not in a way that escalates them. You can and will become better at this, and it’s the best way to stay out of the danger zone.

Again, visit www.AlzheimersHope.com and click on the Wandering section to learn more about how to prevent wandering and get help for your loved one fast if it does occur.

For more information about resources in our area, give my office a call at (913) 338-5713. We’ve got experience with families in situations just like yours, and we would be happy to get you plugged in to the right help centers.