In our culture, the question of whether or not someone with Alzheimer’s can continue to drive is a difficult one. Taking the keys away can mean a loss of independence for your loved one. On the other hand, you have to balance that against the safety of the other drivers on the road.

I recently had a question on this topic and I thought it was so important that I’m going to share my response with you…

Question: Even though the doctor said he shouldn’t drive the car anymore, my husband insists that he is capable of driving. I tell him over and over that he can’t drive, so now I have to try to prevent him, and he gets furious with me! I really don’t know what to say anymore. We argue about this all the time.

Answer: Driving is one of the most difficult issues surrounding this disease process. For this situation, the best answer comes from the Second Absolute that was discussed in the recording in my Alzheimer’s resource center. (Click here at http://www.alzheimersresourcekit.com/hammond to listen to the recording or read the transcript.) In the “Caring for and Communicating with the Alzheimer’s Patient” recording, master Alzheimer’s caregiver Jo Huey laid out the Ten Absolutes that smart Alzheimer’s caregivers use to make life simpler and less stressful.

The best answer for the driving dilemma comes from the Second Absolute (Never Reason, Instead Divert). Because of the memory loss and your husband’s inability to consistently store and/or retrieve new information in his brain, if he’s far along enough in the disease process, he truly won’t remember what the doctor told him. For that matter, he’s going to have difficulty keeping track of the information you are providing to him, no matter how many times you tell him. It is going “in one ear and out the other,” because he forgets that new information after a short period of time.

The best thing to do is to change the conversation; he cannot, and will not, be able to respond to reason. When he starts talking about driving, you can simply divert and change the subject completely. Try introducing something like, “What kind of ice cream are you going to get?” It may feel strange at first and may even make you laugh (which, by the way, is great). When you stop feeling so stressed (and he will read it on your face), he won’t be so stressed and from there, you can move forward. This does not remove the seriousness of the driving issue, but for now, it provides relief and you can move ahead. One of the most difficult things to learn is to keep discussions about issues like these to a minimum – or if you can, to totally eliminate them.

It’s better when you can get your husband to talk and tell you stories, even if you hear the same ones over and over. You will find more enjoyment and less confrontation each day. So, in a situation like the driving dilemma… don’t use reason, instead, remember the Second absolute: Never Reason, Instead Divert.

For help on these types of issues, remember to visit my Alzheimer’s resource center often at http://www.alzheimersresourcekit.com/hammond or visit our online community at http://www.alzheimershope.com.

And finally, remember that my staff and I help families all the time face the issues surrounding caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s. We have put the caregiving information on our websites, along with a host of information on financial and legal topics.

Now, if you’d like information on whether or not you are eligible for benefits to help pay for the costs of Alzheimer’s care… or if you’re wondering whether there are steps you should be taking now to ensure your financial health down the road, please call my office at (913) 338-5713 so that we can help get you on the road towards peace of mind, as you go through this Alzheimer’s journey.