It’s very common for caregivers, especially when their loved one with Alzheimer’s has lost some or all of their language skills, to assume they cannot communicate. What happens all too often is that the caregivers talk about their loved one, right in front of them, as if they are not even there!

The story I heard below from a professional caregiver illustrates how you can align yourself with your loved one, and communicate in a positive way… they may understand much more than you think!

“Over twenty years ago, I worked with a lady in her home one day a week, for ten hours. She was what we refer to as a person with young-onset Alzheimer’s disease. This means she had been diagnosed when she was under the age of 65. In her case, she was 49 when she was diagnosed and was about 55 when I met her. She lived with her three adult daughters who had hired me to care for her on Saturdays so they could have time to do the things necessary to live their lives.

Each Saturday I went, one or more of the daughters and I would visit for about a half an hour. They would tell me about their Mom and what had happened that week, and what she needed that day. We would also share happenings in our lives and talk about the daughters’ plans for the day. We were about the same age and became friends, so there was a lot of talking and laughing.

Well, their mom had lost the ability to verbally communicate. She liked to walk a lot, and while we were talking she would walk in and out of the room. When her daughters would leave, it seemed as if she felt her job for the day was to convince me that I should never come back again – and she was really good at her job! She was very good at getting me to go out in the yard and then locking me out… I learned the very first Saturday to keep a key in my pocket! If I was foolish enough to come too close, she would often push me, and had been known to hit.

It took me a long time to realize that the reason she disliked me so much was that as soon as I arrived on Saturdays, her daughters and I gabbed and visited… and we didn’t include her at all! I realized the problem one Saturday, and called ahead to suggest that we have her sit at the table with us and include her in the conversation. Even though she couldn’t speak, we’d say her name, say things directly to her, and generally get her involved in the conversation.

It was like magic! From then on, when the girls would leave, we could continue the conversation as much as we could. I would just move nearer to her, and engage her in conversation with some of the things I knew she liked. That way, we developed a relationship and enjoyed our time together.”

If you’re having difficulty connecting with your loved one, you may want to try this little trick. Your loved one with Alzheimer’s may just be feeling left out, bored, and lonely. For more tips on how to get your loved one involved with you and your family in a positive way, visit my Alzheimer’s Resource Center at www.AlzheimersResourceKit.com/hammond. There, you can listen to my MP3, Caring For and Communicating With the Alzheimer’s Patient. It could make a real shift in your relationship!

If you’re not sure what the next steps are for you and your family, please give my office a call at (913) 338-5713. We’re happy to help guide you along safest path on the Alzheimer’s Journey.