She was choking back tears when I picked up the phone.

“Mom’s given up,” a client’s daughter said. “She’s calling it quits. How can I support her? How can I accept her wishes?”

It was a good – if a very difficult – question, as this sometimes happens with individuals who suffer from Alzheimer’s. At some point toward the end of the journey, your loved one may decide she is ready to die. If she is verbal, she may express it. If she is non-verbal, you will likely sense it. This disease process has been a tough battle, and she is tired. As hard as it is for the family, you have to let go and allow your loved one the peace she is seeking. Death is a part of life.

For her, death is a good thing. For those left behind, it is difficult. No matter how long this disease has gone on or how long you think you have prepared yourself for this final goodbye, it is never easy. You have lost a lot of your mother along the way, but this is so final. Let yourself grieve. Talk with friends, family, clergy, or a professional counselor. Continue to talk with your mom. Reminisce about her life and your life together. Sharing thoughts and feelings can be a healing process.

If you have sensed that your loved one is ready to die, contact her doctor and discuss the situation. At that point the doctor may order hospice services. Hospice is a wonderful organization and will not only help and support your mother, but also support you and your family. They want your loved one to have the best life while she is alive, and to die with dignity. Their goal is for her to be pain free, comfortable, and peaceful. Their goal for you is to support you in your time of grief and offer assistance with your loved one, to lighten your load, allowing you time to rest and recoup. Hospice assists the whole family in the grieving process.

For recommendations on hospice, give my office a call. We’re happy to help you find the right place for your loved one, if they’ve made this decision.

Rather than a place to receive medical care, hospice is an approach to medical care for patients nearing the end of life. Its goal is to enhance the quality of life for patients with terminal illness. Hospice focuses on pain management and symptom relief, while addressing the patient’s emotional, social and spiritual needs—as well as those of family members. Hospice lets patients and families share the end-of-life experience with dignity and, in most cases, in the comfort of their own homes. Each person entering a hospice program gets an individualized care plan. This plan is developed by a team of professionals and volunteers working with the patient and family members. Depending on the patient’s needs, the team may consist of the patient’s primary care physician, a hospice physician (or medical director), nurses, home health aides, social workers, clergy, trained volunteers and speech, physical and occupational therapists. (more…)